I love that meme. I swear to God I am NOT joking when I say I had that bowl cut in high school. I asked for Princess Diana hair, I get Jim freaking Carrey in “Dumb and Dumber.”
Fast forward to 2013.
I don’t bat an eye spending a chunk of change at the salon, but it really doesn’t do me any good since I am absolute CRAP with hair. I don’t have the patience to blow-dry or style my hair. Maybe I’ve just psyched myself out over the years in telling myself I can’t do it. As smart and accomplished as I am, my inability to fix my hair is one of the inexplicable black holes in my otherwise smart brain. All I do is flat iron it and call it good. My hair is oily and dry at the same time, stringy, straight, split ends, lifeless and the natural color is, well…blah!
Time for a change…
I studied several dozen websites. I was looking at a pixie cut, but the majority of websites were trying to dissuade me:
- Plus-sized women shouldn’t get pixies—it makes them look disproportionally large.
- Women with straight hair shouldn’t get it either because pixies are meant for thicker hair for more volume and body.
- Women with round faces shouldn’t get pixies because it makes their face look even rounder and wider. Pixies only work on women with heart-shaped or oval faces.
- Women with delicate features should get pixies because that is classic beauty à la Mia Farrow or Jean Seberg. I have a bulbous nose and no cheekbones to speak of.
You know what? Fuck it! I want a pixie and damn it I gonna get one! Armed with pictures of Michelle Williams and other random Internet babes, I marched into a new salon, plopped down on the chair and asked for blonde hair.
After getting the color sorted out, the stylist asked, “How short do you want it?”
I showed her the pic I started this post with. “Not this!” I announced. We both laughed pretty hard. But in all seriousness, she didn’t bat an eye as she fearlessly reached for the scissors and started hacking away.
See below for the before and the after. What do you think? Stay tuned Wednesday for my reasons for getting a pixie even though I am plus-sized, straight-haired, round-faced and with very undelicate features.