I had one of the most splendiferous weekends I had had in quite a while (minus the fact I had to work my second job). I went to go see a very dear college friend of mine, Sonya, who I hadn’t seen in eight years. She was only an hour away, but we had both lived in different states for the last decade or so. Thankfully I have been able to keep tabs on her through Facebook and we have always known what the other was up to.
It was a lovely afternoon yesterday. We ate lunch at a French bistro—had authentic baguettes, amazing hummus. I had a glorious tricolore salad (basil, fresh mozzarella and tomatoes drizzled in olive oil) and a couple glasses of wine. We people-watched and window shopped before we relaxed with a cup of coffee.
Even though I hadn’t seen Sonya in eight years, it really did not make a difference. We picked up right where we left off and chatted easily and happily. Friends like that are not found every day and I am particularly lucky to have a friend like her. She has a grace, elegance and joie de vivre I am in awe of and try to imitate.
She is in sharp contrast to an even older friend of mine from high school. Angela and I had been close friends since elementary school. We were in Girl Scouts together, traveled together and even taught in the same building. I was in her wedding and she would have been in mine…if I ever had one. Except for going to college in a different town, Angela has always lived in the same town. The similarities end there.
My friendship with Angela has been dying a natural death since I went to the convent. It is not that Angela is a bad person—she sends Christmas cards without fail and calls one every year or two—but I want this friendship to end. When I would visit home over the summers, I would beg and plead with her to make some time to go out for lunch or coffee. I wanted to see her but there was always some excuse—she was busy (as a teacher? In the summer?), she wanted to spend time with her husband, she had housework to do…They were all legit reasons on the surface but after years of the bullshit runaround I want nothing more to do with her.
Again, it is not that she is a bad person, but she refused to make face time for me and nourish the friendship the way it deserved. Sonya always had time to talk even if the geography was not in our favor. With Angela, the geography worked but her “busy” life made it so she had no time for me. I cannot tell you how profoundly sad I was when I realized I had no more room in my heart for Angela, but I am at peace with the decision.
True friends are hard to find. True friendships take work to maintain. But if one friend is not willing to put in the effort to establish a real connection with genuine communication, there is nothing wrong with letting that relationship run its course.