Worst. First Date. Ever!


dating2It was a few years back.  I was a fresh college graduate who had met a guy online–Yahoo! Personals to tell you how long ago it was–and we agreed to meet in a coffee shop (ironically the exact same café from my second worst first date…Am I seeing a pattern here…?)

We had a mutual interest in politics and history.  About ten minutes into the convo, he cocked his head, looked me straight in the eye and said, “You know, Hitler wasn’t such a bad guy.”

Zuh!!?!?  “How do you figure?”  I asked.

“He was the first elected official to enact animal rights laws.”

Technically this freak wasn’t wrong.  Hitler was dually elected and yes, he was a huge animal lover.  Nazi Germany passed a slew of laws with the welfare of animals in mind.  I myself am a vegetarian and love animals but I said, “Um…six million Jews died during the Holocaust.”

“But I’m talking about animal rights!” he said.

I couldn’t believe my ears.  “Twenty million Russians died!”

“I’m not talking about the War, I’m talking about animals!”

That should have been my cue to leave, but naïve little me stuck around.  I can’t explain why.  Maybe I am too polite for my own good?  Or maybe I was enjoying this train wreck of a date?  I don’t know.  But I stayed.  About ten minutes later, this guy, who had a law and engineering degree said, “Well, I have a genius IQ.  I am a 145.  You’re almost as smart.  I’d put you at about a 135.”

Wow.  That is all I can say.  Just…wow!  I had a 3.91 GPA in college, Phi Beta Kappa, Fulbright runner-up and was entertaining offers from multiple grad schools to get my master’s degree.  But I guess I’m dumb–only a 135!  Derp derp!

About five minutes later he excused himself to the restroom.

I grabbed my purse.  I ran.  As fast as my legs would carry me.  Out the door.  Away from that psycho.

I got a pissy email later that evening.  Why did you run out on me?  I thought we had such good chemistry and were really making a connection!  I don’t understand…Well, have a nice life, I guess.

True story, ladies and gents.  I wish I could say I was making this shit up, but you can’t make up this level of insanity.  And that was my worse.  Date.  Ever.


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