Open letter to eHarmony dude


So in the hopes of meeting a nice boy, I went back on eHarmony.  I was corresponding with a gentleman, a nurse, who worked weird hours.  He billed himself as “giving and caring” even though he would text me at 3 am and wonder why I was not happy about my phone going off in the middle of the night.  I proposed meeting one Friday, and he said he would think about it “if he dragged his lazy butt out of bed.”  It gets worse.

In classic style, here is the open letter I drafted to him:

Dear asshole who asked me out then got pissy when I said I didn’t want to meet till after Tuesday,

You know what I do for a living. I take pride in my job and asked for just a few days for things to settle before we dated. Because I wasn’t available right when YOU wanted, now you won’t answer my one message or the two friendly texts I sent. Real effing classy.

You said you were OK with waiting a few days but that clearly isn’t the case. A gentleman would’ve been patient or at least man enough to say, “Sorry I’m just not interested.” Instead, you resort to juvenile, passive-aggressive behavior and just leave me in the wind. That’s your problem, not mine.

Actually, I should thank you for being a dick. You reminded me I deserve to be treated better than how you are treating me. I’ve come a long way–stared death in the face and WON, lost 30 lbs., and now I am almost debt free. I’ve traveled the world, paid for my own master’s degree, and I have friends on every continent. I deserve a good man who will realize all that I have to offer and not treat me like a doormat.You kept asking me if I was looking for a real relationship and boasted of your giving and caring nature. Well, dude, your actions speak far louder than your words. You are, simply put, a spineless liar. Continue the course you are on and you WILL wind up alone. You’re certainly not dating material and not the sort of guy I need.

I’m not single by choice. But I’m OK with who and where I am. I will continue searching and praying for a caring, decent and loving man who will act like an adult. There is someone out there for me–I’ll be damned if I know exactly WHERE–who knows how damn amazing I am.

Until then, you waste of space, I will continue to kick ass and meet life head on. You sit at home, play your stupid video games, and go on deluding yourself how “giving and caring” you are. You don’t deserve me. LOSER!!!


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